It's France's Fault
by switmikan74
Summary: France thought that it is time for America and England to confess, like right now. So being the thoughtful nation that he is, he made a 'magnifique' plan with the use of love potion. France being France, his plan for l'amour work unfortunately and now, America have to find a way to stop the madness of England chasing before he gone insane himself. Secretly, he likes being chased.
1. Chapter 1

I am very bored. And boredom let my imagination go wild. That's all my reason of writing.

WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! IT IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate

Title: It's France's Fault

Chapter 1: Mon Ami, I have a plan

**~MON AMI~**

The day started like any other day in the meeting. There were shouting and teasing and chaos, it was oh-so very amusing to watch, Mon ami. It was really, for moi I guess. Amerique is loud, Japan keep agreeing with Amerique, Angleterre keep disagreeing at Amerique's every word and Germany can't settle the chaos down. Italy is even crying now at the fight everyone kept pulling out of their sleeves. What a bunch of rowdy nations unlike me who is too elegant for those fights. I'm too beautiful for them, right, Mon petit? Of course I am.

"Stop bringing the colonial me into this, England! He's too naïve back then to know how much of a prick you are!" Amerique seems to shout to Angleterre. Ah, those two can't get enough of each other. However, distructive their love may be.

"You… You git! My sweet America isn't naïve, you buffon! He's a darling who knows how to appreciate all the things I do for him! Don't compare him to you, you ungrateful little brat!" Ah, how lovely is it to hear them talk about their past. What a lovely couple they are.

"You probably used your magic on him to make him follow you everywhere!" Amerique seems to be making Angleterre more upset with his declaration, his angry tears might be the proof of that.

"Fine, then! You bloody American! Think anything you want! I won't bloody care! But one thing is for sure… The past America is much better than you!" Aie, that might hurt Amerique very much. The poor garcon hated being compared to colonial him. I mean, chacun, he had strived for independence hoping that his dearest beloved would see him as man not as a little boy. Poor Amerique.

Ah, l'amour, what a silly little you are, so crazy and so amazing, you are such a magnifique creation of moi! If only Angleterre and Amerique are more open with their feelings! I mean, look at those two, they are practically oozing in sexual tension! They needed to get laid, really. Like seriously, right now before hell break out. They should take after me! I share all my love with everyone that I have no sexual tension just sexual desire! And, mon ami, that is not bad at all, it just shows how perfectly healthy you are. Honhonhonhonhon!

Anyway, they should just go in the closet, yes the closet! The room where every nation have sex. Oh, don't blush like an innocent virgin, mon ami, sex is not a bad word! Sex is great, for me that is. For you? I'm not so sure about that but sex is done when a boy and another boy loves each other very much and they want to have a baby.. I mean a connection stronger than a bond of just being friends… Oui, it's very complicated, mon petit, your mere or your père, just don't asked him where you got the idea of a boy doing it with another boy, okay?

Anyway, you all know how Amerique and Angleterre are so in love with each other that they don't know how to release it, right? Of course you know, silly! Only blind ones can't see them. Gratter que, only they can't see it! How sad isn't it, mon ami! Those poor fools!

So, as a kind soul such as I, the great and beautiful France, I made a decision to help them because I am not at all bored and void of any person to bed, I am going to give them a special potion that my Momma gave me! A great one not like the recipe of scones that Angleterre's mother gave him. And because I am totally cupid and not a fake, I am going to spread love within the heart of those two! What a brilliant plan I have! Honhohonhonhon!

Magnifique! Awesome! This only happens once every three weeks, mon cher! They will be thanking me at the end of my three weeks slaving for them to finally feel free to show each other how magnifique l'amour is! Angleterre would be kissing the ground I walked on thanking me at the same time for the work I've put for them to use _that closet_ already. Nobody understand why l'amour is important nowadays! Kids this day seems much interested on video games and hamburger and scones and teas and knitting! I mean, sacrebleu, knitting and video games? What had the world gone off to? Pfft, as if l'amour can't be a one night event only, pfft.

Now, mon ami, my plan involves an arrow and a bow. Non, I am not going to kill someone and I haven't stolen anything, not from Greece's God nor from anyone, non. The arrow and bow would then be use to protect me afterwards if my plan fail me and I am not saying that it will fail, trust me, it didn't. Then, I would collect one red and white rose petal, a hair of each person who'll be drinking my poison, I mean potion, and sugar, jasmine, salt and water from Switzerland because I want to and last but not least, blood from Cupid which is moi! Blood… from… me… Okay, I'm fake! So what! So we need the real Cupid's blood. I'm guessing he's still in my closet because of our deal so my problem is solved. Now, mon ami, love potion isn't going to permanently scar you for life because of the outcome personality that the drinker posses because of this, non, not forever anyway. If one might try this, please do not blame moi if it does not work.

D'ailleurs, I am going to do this now so enjoy the commercial while the beautiful me is gone.

**~MON AMI~**

"England! Hey, England! England? Old man? Hey!" America shouted to the fuming Brit who seem to ignore him.

"America-san, I think it is best if you don't bother England-san for a bit." Japan politely suggests which America nodded immediately, distracted by Japan's new video game which England mouthed his gratitude towards his Japanese friend.

What a disaster today is. Not only did they fought but America accused him of witchcraft that he wouldn't ever do to him, what s stupid git. The bloody buffon might even think that he forced him to eat his scones when he's the one munching on it when he was a bloody child. Bloody hell, he doesn't care at all. No, of course not! This bloody meeting should bloody end now before there would be a bloody massacre. Those bloody fool.

"Angleterre! Bonjour! What a lovely day isn't it today?" Outside the wind blows harshly and the rain fell heavily like curtains that will never ever bloody end. "What a grumpy expression for you to wear on your lovely today, Angleterre! Did you skip your Tea Break?" He don't have a bloody Tea Break, the bloody frog he is, stupid and just that, a bloody frog.

"Now, now, I know how you get when you skip your Tea Break, you talk in your head and insult everyone who talks to you! Now, being the thoughtful gentleman I am" Which is bloody not "I had brought you your tea, fresh and Earl Grey." He wouldn't drink the bloody frog's tea even if it's Earl Grey which is HIS tea.

"Why, thank you for your kindness, France." What a lovely tea, something about it is so familiar yet so exotic in his taste bud. What was it?

"The pleasure is mine, mon cher, the pleasure is mine."

What a spinning world they have, spin, spin, spin. Did he drink his alcohol before coming to the meeting? Maybe. Maybe not. But hey, look at the twirling world. Are those worried faces? Why are they worried? The bloody American might had made a fool out of himself again, serves him right.

Why is the world turning black? Ohhh, is that France smiling? He has a very sly smile. Ohhh, Is that America? He has a very beautiful face. So pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty.

"England!"

**~MON AMI~**

"Eng—"

"Engl-"

"England! You're awake! Thank god! Everyone is worried, old man!" What a pretty man, America is so pretty.

The nations crowded England after America exclaimed England's state. One by one, they sighed in relief but only one smiled happily. He knows what will come next.

"I… America…" England blushes cutely as he fidgeted like a high school girl confessing to her first love ever. France smiled.

"Yes? What's up Iggy?" England blushes some more as he reaches for America's face and leaned up to give him a peck on the lips. The world must be crazy, no scratch that, England must have gone crazy.

"America, I love you!" England all but shouted as he hid his blushing face in his dainty hands as he shyly peeked between long dainty fingers to see the reaction of his America.

Ah, yes, England had gone crazy. America thought before he fainted.

Ah, l'amour….

**TBC**

So, review.


	2. Chapter 2

I am very bored. And boredom let my imagination go wild. That's all my reason of writing.

WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! IT IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate. Oh and swearing.

Title: It's France's Fault

**Chapter 2: The Brit's Plan**

**~MON AMI~**

When America woke up he was smiling. He was happy and perky and cheery because he thought everything that happened a few hours ago was all just a dream - in his mind he keeps telling himself it was a nightmare. America was full of life and was ready to be like himself again, he was quite feeling good after that sleep - not fainting but sleeping, heroes like him does not faint not at all. So being America he tried, with not thinking straight, heading back to the conference hall. Really, he tried until he notices the heavy weight on top of him.

If he was just honest he would say it was kind of nice waking up every day with another nation on top of you, a British one preferably and specifically a nation with a name that starts with an E and ends with a D. Yes, he would shout it to the whole world. Unfortunately he wasn't and unfortunately England is still poisoned by France's potion, oh, let's not deny it that even though France wanted to help, he really can't help it if he harms England a little like a symptom of a change of personality that would make a fool out of himself and in this case, clingy, like an in love high school girl, and flirty, like waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy flirty.

America let out a shriek, a manly one at that, like a high pitched manly pitch which alerted everyone that he's now awake unfortunately. Everyone sighed the silence will be missed then, so much for their happy hour.

"What the hell, man?! Get off me, limey! I don't want to be invaded! Uwwwwaaaaaaaahhh!" America shrieked at the crawling Brit towards him as he throws pillows at England to shriek again as he sees England dodged it easily and seductively crawled towards him. "Go away!" America shivers like the hero he really is. "Go away! Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Oh my, Amerique! I know you are a horny young lad and I know how in love with Angleterre but I would never expect you to take advantage of him on his unknown state."

In his panic he must have pushed England on his bed to keep him from getting all too touchy with him pinning England by the wrist and giving his weight to stop the Brit's annoying wriggling and that is just how all the nation found them. America pinning a struggling England which made it look like he was taking advantage of the green eyed man.

America felt like crying because of his bad luck which of course he really did.

"Uwaahh! I.. I didn't mean to be bad. I.. I was just… what did I do to you God? D-did I manage to upset you? I… Uwahhh! Why did you made me have the unluckiest day today? I haven't done to you or anything! Why didn't you give that rotten bad luck on France? I mean… Uwaaahh! H-he's rotten from the inside out!" America sulked on top of England as fat tears fell down on England who stops wriggling.

"America?" A British lace accent stops America's ranting as dainty fingers caresses his face, England's hand being free from America's tight grip took advantage of this, he smiled sweetly.

"What?" All the nations' ears perked up at the conversation as the American hiccupped his reply. France's chuckles was heard loudly along with the others bubbling laughter as England sweetly told America something that he should be ashamed of.

"You know, if you want to do the deeds you could have just told me. No need of you forcing on me when I'm willing to do it with you."

America never knew that a face can be redder than red really until England uttered that and he made him blushed that redder than red blush.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Thud. And America once again fainted.

**~MON AMI~**

"You know, America-san have been fainting lately." Japan quietly said to the people who cared about America's well-being. And the others who cared nodded worriedly while some restrained England from going to America's room again to prevent any fainting as soon as America woke up again. England snickered at their distress and the nations glared at him while he whistles innocently.

"My dearest America needs me, you dolt. Why can't you see that? He needs me to give him the kiss of life! America~~" England purred like a maniac who had quite scared a few nations with his seductive purring. France purred with him which in turn made Italy purred too who convinced Germany to purr with him which leave no choice for Japan to purr along with them which made China purr too which made Russia imitate his purring (Key word: Growling) which he orders the Baltics to purr with them which made Belarus to purr too with Ukraine and Hong Kong purred too just for the heck of it.

Canada almost cried when he saw them started licking their 'paws'. "I wonder why I'm related to England and France. Think of good thoughts, Canada, yes good thoughts. Think of Russia dancing in tutu..." Canada's face paled at the thought "Ah, never mind, never mind. Think of good thoughts, yes good thoughts. Think of Germany wearing a… a… a bikini…" Canada almost fainted at the thought "Think of good thoughts, Canada, not traumatizing one! Like England strutting in nothing but toga dress…. Yeah, like that" Canada smiled happily until France enters his imagination with Prussia and Spain wearing spandex. "GOOD THOUGHTSDAMNIT! DARN IT, EH!"

Poor Canada left to fend for himself to push those annoying trio out of his darn mind, he needs a therapist like right now. "Darn it! My bills are getting high because of my therapy, eh! Darn those trio, eh! Maple!" And we all know how he added in his head while he strutted like a drama queen out a "Fuck it. Fuck you, bitches, I'm out of here, eh."

"Fuck it, people! Stop your fucking purring!" Romano cussed as Spain added the list of the purring nation "Stop it you fucking tomato bastard or else!"

"But, Romano!" Spain whined as he purred in circle of Romano. Romano twitched and fuck it, he purred as well. Yes, folks, they all purr like mad.

"Ummmm, Am I disturbing something?" Finland asked as the other Nordics stares at them, Iceland twitched and we all know why he twitched. If you don't then here's the secret, he wants to purr too, yes, it's just that contagious.

All nations stops and stares at the newly arrived nations and stares at each other and England happily smiles and purrs again causing the others to purr too and they fucking enjoys it. Don't ask why even Germany enjoys too.

"Oh. If you're wondering, America is now awake." England stop, stare and smile then he bolts out of the room with a new spring in his every step. That's when Germany stops, froze and faints from embarrassment and everybody realizes that this was awkward. It was then that this is not to be spoken of. If only they knows how Korea is already having a merry time of finding that this particular event is a hit to everyone in Youtube already getting a million views and still counting, what a nice video.

While everybody runs after the love struck Brit, Iceland looks around, sits down on the floor and purrs.

"This is fun~~" Iceland purred and meowed like the cute cat Norway imagined him to be. Norway coughed.

"Am I interrupting something?" Iceland freezes, stares, and stops. "Oh." The other Nordics looks around and sits down on the floor and purrs.

"Yes, this is fun~~"

**~MON AMI~**

England smiles sweetly as America, trapped in the corner, shivers in fear with nations attempting to open the room as he shouted for help. He was definitely not crying nor squealing like a little girl or is he shivering in fear because of England. No, of course not. Heroes don't shiver in fear because of someone who is obviously possessed and crazy that you're in lo- allied with, right?

"America~~~" England giggled nearing him in such a manner that would make the even the most lewd person blushed. America shrieked.

On second thought, there could be an exception for heroes like him because he's just awesome like that.

"HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEE!" England pouted at America's rejection of him. Really, the lad should just bloody cooperate with him or else, the bloody twat.

"Oh, now, now, America, don't be like that! I love you, America and you should understand that. It's really easy here let me say it again. I. Love. You. Isn't that easy for even a dolt like you to understand?" Wait, did England, love struck and crazy England, just called him a dolt? He don't know what that means but certainly coming from England couldn't be really good or flattering. Really, confessing your love to the one you love shouldn't be insulting. Scratch that, he shouldn't even insult him nor should he confess to him.

"Iggy! You don't understand! I don't feel the same way like ya do, ya know what I mean?" England twitched and frowned at America's idiotic reply. He sighs then walks to the door and open it causing the other nation to tumble in surprise and proceeded to walk away shaking his head at America's rejection.

"Alreet(*) then." America should jump in joy and smile and party all night long to easily shake the Brit off his back instead of having that quirk in his heart of disappointment of losing the stubborn man and feeling sad and angry of how easy to make England lose hope. Really, he should be happy and making the whole world know that England has lost interest in him and not running after the Brit who keeps walking even as he shouted after him.

"Wait! Iggy!" England stops but never turns around to face the panting American. Boy, England sure knows how to speed walk.

"Yes, lad? What is it?" England's voice is neutral and emotionless, void of any hint of feelings that should be there. America frowns.

"That's it? You're not going to fight for me until you get me, Iggy?" America asked as he neared the man. England didn't missa beat of answering his question.

"My feelings are all to cock(*) if you were just going to reject me again and again. Look America I love you but I know when to give up if you said that you don't feel the same way." America frowns.

"It doesn't mean that I won't love you. I can love you, Iggy. It's just that it's all sudden and… you know… it's awkward for me…" England shook his head in disappointment again.

"Ballocks! You can't America! You can't love me! I… I'm tired of your constant rejection…" England faces America with a trembling smile and America almost hugged him for the sake of it.

"I can! I can prove it to you!" England looks down.

"How?" America smiles at the Brit's question and really hugged England this time.

"We'll go on date today and I'll prove you that I'm worth your time chasing after, Iggy."

"Alrighty then if that's what you wanted~~" England shook with laughter as he looks up at America with the brightest and sweetest of smile he ever had. Even though he should be angry, his heart skips a beat at England's smile. America froze in shock when his brain catches up. Oh, England sure do knows how to manipulate an idiot. He really plays it well.

"You know America if you just said earlier that you're arse over tip(*) about me then you could have avoided making an arse out of yourself." England is really nice when he's in love, he does not insult his object of affection whenever he wanted. Really, he does not at all. "See you in afto(*) then America. I'm quite busy this moment because of the meeting but I'll be free this afternoon when we are over. Good day then America. Don't miss me too much." And England then strutted out like a movie star with swag.

America the proceeded to turn to dust as his brain chanted to him that he had been tricked over and over again. A bird then proceeded to tweet to the world of how England can manipulate anyone he wanted and how America is an idiot.

"Ahoo~~ Ahoo~~" There goes the bird. Ah, l'amour.

**~MON AMI~**

So there goes the ending for now. I'm quite busy too so cheerio. :D review mon ami! Reviews keeps me alive~~~ tehee.

Afto-afternoon

Arse over tip-head over heels

Alreet- British slang of Alright.

Now, here's the question: Should they have their date in an amusement park or the beach?

Oh, if you like, you can suggest an event that would happen in their date too. Cheerio, my good man. :D Fail British Slang!


	3. Chapter 3

I am very bored. And boredom let my imagination go wild. That's all my reason of writing.

WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! IT IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate. Oh and swearing.

Thanks for those who reviews this! I was like and then I was like XD.

Oh and Guest: Thanks for the compliment and insult. Sorry if my views of the Hetalian Characters are vague and inaccurate but in this fic I totally made them like that plus I really think France is a pervert but has a deeper side to it. You'll see later.

Title: It's France's Fault

Chapter 3: The Date

~Mon Ami~

When England expects something great, it should be great and he should be leaping in joy and satisfaction and he should be squealing like a girl who had just been proposed to but, even as other nations follow them in their date in a spy way which they were very good at because he can see them in an obvious location, today he was very disappointed and dare he say it, bored. It was typical and loud and not so much like how he imagined. He thought it would be like walking on the beach while the sun sets or candle-lit dinner or stargazing in a hilltop while whispering sweet nothings to each other or even a peaceful picnic in a serene rose garden just the two of them and not like this, never like this. So loud and crowded, sure couples came here, and yes they are an official couple now because he says so, but that's not the point. He wants it classy and romantic and cheesy events out of fluffy romance novels but not like this. Sure, he can suggest going to the Ferris Wheel but really he's sick of that game. He remembers asking America of riding it but he freaks out and said instead to ride that bloody roller coaster.

England glares and frowns at everything America suggested because he doesn't liked any of them. Sure, he's in love with the bloody American but surely he still can insult the bloody American for his bloody crappy choice of location for a date because bloody hell, he's picky and he doesn't bloody like the date already. Bloody America.

"Hey, England, look at how many prizes I've already won." America said in his obnoxious voice and England's glares deepen and stupid may be America he still can see that England is obviously not enjoying the date. I mean, England just ripped in pieces the big fluffy bear in just seconds and let's not forget the way he shoves the ice cream in his heroic face and huffed like a fucking diva queen.

"Englaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddd dd!" America whined and England frowned. France decided that the potion is wearing off but how could that be when Cupid said that the potion would not wear off until America admitted that he loves England like crazy and if England finally admitted in his slumber state within his mind he also love the American. France doesn't like it when the Cupid lied because he's frickin' Cupid that should help spread love. France should investigate it further more and by investigate, torture the Cupid more with feather dust, apparently, Cupid is ticklish but that's a secret you'll never know. And so, he strutted out off the scene like a fashion queen that he thinks he really is.

"You're not winning me like this, you bloody dolt. You pale in comparison with my past lovers, really America, you're not even worth comparing to them." England yawned in boredom as he glanced at the American with little to none interest. America twitched, for a supposed to be love struck England he sure is difficult and picky like that clingy England from hours ago just suddenly disappeared and he had gone back to normal but because England is still here in this date which he would never go if he's in his normal state, America is sure England is still in his unknown state. England smirked at America's reaction, for someone proving his worth he sure do not know how to convince him and if he's like that then let him be difficult all he bloody wants.

"You know how you can prove your worth, love?" England strides gracefully towards America and leans up to whisper to the boy's reddening ears quietly an advice meant for his amusement.

"You can prove your worth if you take me home instead to do what I do best in a room where there are only two people… If you know what I mean, darling." America nearly fainted but fought against it because his manlier that way and pointedly ignore how he shrieks like a little girl. Not that he shrieks like one.

"Or maybe, we can share a cotton candy together!" America hopes desperately to God that England would agree, he even swore that he would not eat burgers for half a day for England to just fucking agree. England, in his very strange behavior, giggles and blushes like a high school girl at the thought of sharing a food with her crush. Silly England and his mood swing and changing attitude caused by the potion. Silly. Silly. Silly.

America almost weep in joy and at the same time jump in fright at the way England, from a diva queen to a shy love struck high school girl, reacted. Unfortunately, shy England is afraid of being lost in the crowd of people and is also afraid of being parted from him which ended in holding hands.

"Th-thank you very much America. I really appreciate it a lot." England blushes and shyly looked at their linked hands, stuttering and being the cutest man he really is. America smiles, he really liked it when England turns like this, he remembers the good ol' days when England is the gentlest person towards him while scaring the hell out of people when he wanted to make sure that they still recalls who he is, The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Much he enjoys England's new way of expressing how deeply in love he is, he still is afraid of England. It's always the cute and shy ones with a hidden plan he had seen it already in Japan's mangas and animes. Those freaking cute ones are always the culprit in a crime. He shivers and wonders what would England do when they're in close room. He pales at the idea of even sharing a room alone.

"Hey! America, are you still listening?" America looks up and saw the green eyes of England glistening in tears and his lips trembling and pouting as he thought that America's attention was elsewhere and therefore he was boring. America felt himself turn to goo at the cutest state of England right now and he might as well punch himself to a bloody oblivion for making England sad. Sad but cute, he almost squeals in the awesomeness of England's cute face.

"Kyaaaaaaaa! Oh, England!" America, in his manly glory, squeals and glomps the Brit who blushes the redder than red blush. England clutches shyly on America's jacket, confused as to how he made him hug him but he's not complaining. "You're so cute~~~"

England smiles cutely up at America and tilted his head in a way that made even the coldest of heart melt at the sight. What a grand plan he had made, who knew that acting like a cute person can make this tough man turn to gooey pile. America smiles brightly back at England forgetting how he thought cute people were always the manipulative kind.

"T-thank you, America, I think…" England whispers shyly at America and America is almost afraid he'll break the dainty man besides him- he was also hesitant of letting him go. When America turns his head away from him to look for any nice booth or ride or show for England, the Brit almost snickers in delight at how easy he can manipulate the stupid American. Really, he loves America but the git is too stupid and he does not like it when the American pushes him away.

In a daze of the past, England, melancholy lonely England, looks almost normal when he smiles sadly at the memory when America turns his back away from him and walks away to be someone he had always wanted to be. England looks at America's back and for a moment he thought he was back on that rainy day of July when his little angle declares his independence from him, he smiles brokenly and his emerald eyes dulled a bit in loneliness because in the end America still chooses to break away from him, still chooses independence instead of him. Maybe, that's why he still clings on and chases him around whether from the potion or from the longing he had hidden deep within his caged heart. Maybe, that's why - he squeezes America's hands gently- he doesn't like it when America pushes him away.

"Hey, America, let's eat that cotton candy you said you would share with me." England suggested and America brightens like the sun that lightens the world, England smiled gently. Today, he would make it easy for America but once he made a wrong move he would bloody commit a bloody murder. Stupid America.

"Sure, Iggy, let's!" America laughed and pushes through the crowd to a booth where a man sells the sweetest cotton candy in the block. England slightly tumbles but easily follows the eager American, hands still linked firmly together. Yes, the American is really stupid.

~Mon Ami~

England twitched in annoyance as America continues to scream his head off in the Haunted House they are in. When he said scary things can make two people closer he hadn't meant America almost ripping his hand off at the strong grip he was holding him. He meant he was going to pretend to be scared so that he has an excuse to cling to America but how can he forget the boy's phobia of ghosts and scary things really. It was glaringly obvious when America went rigid at the mention of the bloody house! Bloody hell!

England wanted to shoot himself at his mistake but he didn't and instead he pretended he's scared too. Really, he tried.

"I'm scared, America. Protect me." England said with emotion colder than ice, feelings harder than stone. His emerald eyes seem to grow cold and harsh as if they're not those lovely pair of joyful eyes America is accustomed it made America wants to run for the hills. England is so different from that sweet man he was just a few minutes ago.

"E-England… Stop that! You're scaring me!" America whimpered and England raises his eyebrow in a manner so cold America thought he was freezing. Inside, where America can't see the inner chibi England, he giggled at the silliness of America and he twirls around with the others who expressed different emotion. Angry England curses America's obliviousness, Shy England decided that it's cute, Happy England laughed, Sad England said that he was sad because America is stupid, and so on and so forth. So many emotions swirling and bursting inside that cold façade of England but the poker face stayed intact. England huffed at America and tried to walk away but as the American clings on to him he couldn't even have more than a step.

"Don't leave me here, England! … Please… don't. I ne-need you.." America's sad little voice seem to make the Brit stop as slowly he looked at the scared American on his leg. England went rigid as slowly a voice seem to speak in his mind, shy and distant and hurt, it whisper, 'How many years did you waited for him to admit that he needed you again? That only did he wanted help?... That he needed you to stay…? When did he last told you that he needs you?'

"Get up! America, no former colony of mine can be a coward and get away with it. I didn't colonize them because they're weak, I colonize them because they have potential to be strong." England said coldly and harshly, a leader to his subject as he glares at America but inside him he was happy and sad and giddy and hurt. He didn't know why though.

"Yes, sir!" America stood up and hurriedly composed himself and tried not to whimper. England looked at him as if not satisfied and he made America drop to give him fifty pushups. After those pushups, he ordered the American to walk through the Haunted House without screaming, America almost cried when England said he was going to be two meters away from him.

Think of good thoughts, America, good thoughts. America reminded himself and almost cries out loud when he thought of The Bad Touch Trio in a spandex. You know, may America and Canada be different but they can still think alike on how they can distract their selves.

Step. Step. Step. America's steps echoed in the creepy hallway of the house, the wood would creak and the doors would suddenly shut close and along the soft whispers of the nonexistent voices of the roaming afterlife people is America's shout for help as he fell down towards the bottom of the hole as the woods give way and he fell, England worriedly run towards the source of the shout and fusses over the fallen American. England's attitude is different again, it was more like of a lover who always worry about his stupid partner.

"Are you alright, America?" America glared towards England as if the Brit is stupid. His body hurts and his head feels like splitting so no, he was not okay. England apologizes to America as he jumped down the hole to help America, the problem is he didn't bring anything to climb back up.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

England smiled lightly and America almost wept in agony. America's stupidity must be rubbing off on England, that, or love made people stupid.

"Ooops…?" England said finally and America did wept. Oh the wonder of love, really.

And now they wait for rescuers who are not aware that they are there because they got sidetracked as well in their adventure in the hunted house.

"Ve~~, Germany! I'm really scared! Ve~~!" Italy clang to Germany who sighed while he watched the coward Italian wave his white flag towards the ghosts who weren't really ghosts but nevertheless scared the shit out of Italy.

"This is very well prepared. Do you think so too, Greece-san?" Greece snored away as Japan dragged him in every room of the house. Prussia pretended to be ghost and scared Spain which in turn made Romano cussed that made the mother of the children there gasped in dismay which made Hungary very angry at Prussia for no reason whatsoever which made Austria wished he was home playing piano which made Australia and New Zealand wonders why they are there but remembers that they were there because they misses England who, by the way, is happily being cuddly with America because the American is scared of the dark.

"England! I'm scared…" America clang to England for dear life while England happily scared the American more for some cozy time.

"You know, I heard that there are supposed to be real ghosts around here somewhere. I wonder where they are…" America almost hugged England the life out of him as he shrieked in a very manly way - because heroes don't scream like a little girl.

"Oh, there they are!" America screamed like a little girl while England smiles sweetly at nothing at all, really, he was just saying hi to the dead, is that really wrong? Oh, the wonders of the potions really.

America then and there fainted when England conversed with the ghosts that are lingering in the hole. Lovely.

~Mon Ami~

A pained laughter echoed throughout the vicinity of a certain Frenchman as another evil one followed it. You know how people tortured each other with so many torture weapons? Like whipping them or something? Yeah? Good. Because France is too manly for that -and beautiful (No one believes him though, they say he was and still is a pervert from sole to crown- a beautiful pervert he would counter).

As I was saying, yes, I'm still speaking, France is too beautiful for that thing and so he went for the manliest weapon on Earth:

Drum rolls please!

BANG!

BOOM!

CLANK!

WOOSH!

I said drum rolls but what the heck!

It's the Feather Dust! DUN! DUN! DUN!

In his defense, France says it's harmless and can't make people bleed and so it's the manliest thing on Earth because he brought it from his own country. Oh, and he says Tickling is the best way to make a person surrender -he can't believe they didn't try this on Germany when they're at World War I and II.

"HAHAHHAHAHA! Oh, please! Stop!" He begged and he pleaded but poor little Cupid, France is making sure if he dies, laughter is his death. He wonders if this is karma from having prank Zeus so long ago when he's still so innocent and childish and he also wonders if France had gone mad.

"Oh, mon petit! You lied to me! Angleterre is not head over heels about Amerique! He keeps on having this weird mood swing!" France sobbed as he mercilessly tickled the panting Cupid. He wanted to make sure his dear Anglais finally have someone who can love him so much that it would make everyone jealous, is that too much to ask? Angleterre had been alone since he was young, he was him grow up alone, living for himself, striving for himself, growing up for himself, and loving for himself. He saw his cute little Angleterre crying for himself and healing for himself and even being so selfish that in every fight he fight for himself because he didn't know how a person should be loved and how a person feel when loved. France wanted Angleterre to find a happiness he was sure would be forever, isn't that how big brothers supposed to do when his little brother never experience happiness? But Angleterre's brothers weren't always there for him, they left them alone to fend for his self and grow up independent, not needing anyone of them.

"S-st-top! I'll e-e-exp-lain!" Cupid rolled away from France when the Frenchman removed his shackles from his wrists and ankles. He sighed in relief and drinks all the fresh air he could while looking warily at France who might attack him again, he really should not visit this country again, he should assign one of his apprentice in this country to avoid this stupid man.

"France, the love potion you had made is probably stirring every possible character that can make that stupid American react differently to know what America possibly would not like…" Cupid explained it slowly as if France is a stupid man, more idiotic than idiots, you know, he should suggests to Zeus a law that should arrests any person who has no stupidity limit.

"oh…. QUEL? Why would it do that when it should be making them more in love? Cupidon! L'amour is on stake here!" Cupid sighs in exasperation. And shook his head tiredly.

"France, love is not something so superficial and you should know about it. You're the country of fucking love! Love is something least expected. If the potion settle on something that America really love then that's just pointless because if he didn't like something about England, bless his soul, then would he leave him? Sometimes, it takes all the things you aren't fond about of that person to make you see how in love you truly are. If you accepted him just the way he is then that's true love." France nearly cried at how true that is and how silly he is if he didn't see it! Oh, how silly indeed - he feel so silly and beautiful.

"I'm so sorry, Cupidon! I didn't know!" Cupid nodded and France sobbed at his feet.

"Yes, you should be!" Cupidon reprimanded as he carefully laid France on the X-like wood and tied him with the shackles he had been tied with.

"I… I know and I-I'm sorry! Je suis tellement désolé!" France sobbed with great sadness that when he finally heard the click of something being locked and a smell of burning metal, he cried even more because he's really scared shitless now.

"Now, now, France, it's time for me to take my revenge." Cupid grinned maniacally as he held the Feather Dust and never did France thought that Feather Dust could be so scary and intimidating.

Oh sweet, revenge is so sweet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then a pained laughter echoed throughout the world as gleeful one followed it.

France will be missed.

I think…

~Mon Ami~

America wonders if he's cursed or just plain unlucky or if he offended some time of God that made him so unfortunate. He's hungry and tired and sleepy and there's a crazy Brit clinging on his arm laughing with things he really can't see. He wonders if he really did something wrong. Thinking about it… he may have done something… No, it had helped everyone… maybe that time when… No, his brother had loved that gift… maybe it's that… No, Iggy didn't seem angry with him just confuse.

In fine, he seems perfectly good. So why in the fuck's name is he being bullied by life? Why does life works in such a weird way that makes him looks so pathetic?

America sighed sulkily as he watched England speak so freely, so happy and carefree - something he had not seen in such a long time. The England he knows now is too strict, too overbearing, too tense and distant to anyone - not letting anyone even America in, not gain, after that event, not anymore. But this England, this is someone who had been that man who had taken care of him, someone who had that special smile ready to offer for him and him alone, this is the man he had lost when he gained his independence, this is England - the man he had missed so much.

"Oh, and that time, do you remember that time, lad? That time when America thought there's a monster under his bed and slept with me for three years until I told him that real men isn't afraid of silly monster! That was bloody brilliant of me!" England's laughter seems strained and fond and nostalgic, as if he was going to cry but he didn't. There are no tears nor trembling lips, just a heart running back to the past that the mind had thrown him into. America smiled and, England stopped his laughter in surprise, holds the Brit's hands fondly in his.

"America?"

"It's okay, England, it's okay…"

"What do you mean?" England's confused gaze lingered on the American's blue ones and America smiled softly at him. England is just too cute sometimes.

"England… I… I …" America leans in a bit to caress the man's soft cheeks and…

"Bonjour mon ami! How merveilleux of meeting you here! Honhonhon!"

Oh, wonderful, the frog is now a moment-blocker! America glared at France hoping for him to get the fucking message and leave. They were just about to- halt America! Were you just eager to admit that you two are going.. going to… Oh for fuck sake!

"Help us already you fucking pervert!" England looked at America, still unsure of what he was about to do. England looked up to France and smiled gratefully - France almost cry at England's innocent appreciative face that he only get when under a spell.

"Oh, merci ciel merveilleux! je vous remercie!" On second thought, France did cry after that beautiful event. Let's not forget how he had been tortured by Cupid who had fled away from his house.

He had been stretched, whipped, tickled and buried from sole to neck in the ground but he's too beautiful for that and so he escaped! Not even pain can hold him down if t means seeing the progress of his marvelous work!

"FRANCE! Help us already!" He might be imagining the American boy's flush face or maybe he didn't, did he?

"Did I interrupt something, Amerique?" America blushed redder and glared at France with a what-do-you-think-glare, France smirked. Oh.

"Anyway, here's a ladder. Au revoir, mon petit lapin! Something had come up and I got to go!" France run off to the sun set with a kiss blown towards them which America makes sure not to graze even their personal air. Who knows what disease that flying kiss might have? He shudders at the thought as he helps the Brit out of the hole.

"So… what now?" America blinked at the question of the Brit and smile.

"Shall we continue our little date?" England smiled and took America's offered hand with his dainty ones and blushes some more.

What a great day he will have by the end of the day, he knows he would, he swears it on the queen's lovely name.

~Mon Ami~

England's smile widen and America's laughter grew louder as they enjoy their little date without any interruption from any crazy nations out there. They shared ice cream and even ride the Ferris Wheel and even had their fortune told to them.

"Hey, what do you mean your true love is just besides you?" America asked himself out loud as he read the fortune cookie again.

"What do you mean I'm going to have the love of my life on the eleventh month of the year?" England tilted his head cutely and pouted, "The cookie is stupid. It's the end of November already. What a dolt."

"Yeah! Oh, hey! A hotdog stand! Let's go, Iggy!" England watched their hands tightened around each other and blushes some more. America is quite an splendid date, he must say.

"Thank you, America!" America stopped his running and turned slowly at England catching a fond smile on his lovely face.

"What for?" England squeezes America's hand sweetly and pecked his cheek softly, America's blue eyes widen and he flushes a bit and touches his cheek unsurely.

"For showing me that you're worth the time loving." America's gaze softened, he almost forgot why he even bothered with the date because of how joyful the day is.

He can still feel the lingering softness of England's lips on his cheek.

"It was so warm…" England looked at him, confused on what he is saying. America's face couldn't have been redder but it did because heroes can be redder than red! Right? Hahaha…haha.. ha.. right?

"I mean, the day is so warm today, I don't know why."

A particularly cold wind blow by and silence lingered around them.

"I mean… Look! A cotton candy stall! Let's go, Iggy!"

Thankfully, there is a stall who sold cotton candy or he would be more humiliated. God, why is he being punished like this?

England smiles gently at America and leads the way for the flustered man. His eyes twinkling softly, it was so green and charming and beautiful. America smiled back.

"Come on then lad…"

The Brit's hand is so warm too. Their hands fit too perfectly, America wonders why.

~Mon Ami~

So, I'm still alive, just busy. Review keeps me writing! Please leave some for me! :D

Adios, todo el mundo!

I'm not Spanish… T's Google translate and I'm Filipino. Sorry for any mistake there, folks!


	4. Chapter 4

To say the least… I'm very gloomy for having to rewrite this chapter again. Damn. I'm almost at the end but then FB has to screw up and BOOM! The draft is gone. Anyway, yes, I don't have my own computer unless you count my auntie's which is on the other side of the town and I really don't like going there on weekdays except weekends because weekends is fun time. XD

Anyway, let's start the story! :D

Oh and, thanks for the reviewers! I love you guys and to those who listed it as their favorite and alerted it!

WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! IT IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate. Oh and swearing.

**Title: It's France's Fault**

**Chapter 4: It's Not What You Think But Keep Thinking**

**USUK**

The date, to put normally, had been successful and amazing and normal except for that one crazy dude with wings that had kept on going about French and freedom which to America doesn't go well unless you got free from some French and that's what you called heavenly, no, seriously. And that Prussian man that the two English nations don't know who keep on shouting about 'the awesomeness that was me!' and that part with the 'kesesese I'm awesome and your mom is not kesesese' - they still don't know that man- and that Russian guy who made the buff-looking bouncer cry, disregarding those, the date is awesome.

However awesome that was, it would certainly not explain why the fuck is England naked on his fucking bed with him. And thank God, he was still clothed—if being in your boxers still saved you from being nude then yes, he was still clothed.

But back to the main point and this is important, WHY THE FUCK IS ENGLAND HERE IN HIS BED? Yes, caps lock is needed to express his 'feelings'. He doesn't get it.

He locked the door, pushed all the furniture on it and double locked the windows and set traps to any hole that England would manage to go through so why is he here? Unless…

America looked to the door and cry out a very loud manly cry that would put any drama queens to shame.

"Oh my God! Iggy's a ghost!" Well, that was the only explanation right? How would England even managed to place the furniture back to its original places without him noticing?

"Oh, bloody hell. Can't you even shut up once, America? I mean if you're going to waste your voice screaming nonsense then can we at least use it for better shouting like, oh, I don't know, sex?" America looked mortified and miffed and everything that was unholy and scared. But heroes don't get scared, they get surprise but never scared… right? Right!

England blushes when he looked at himself and looked shyly at America.

"W-well… I'll never expect this America… I.. I mean.. Y-you can just tell me if you wanted it, you don't have to strip me secretly… I mean…not with force… I mean… bloody hell…" England hid his face with his hand and peeking shyly towards America as if he was not just the one who had just suggested to have a shag or anything. He even had the gal to blush!

"Damn it! I didn't do anything to you!" America almost regretted it seeing England's lips quiver and tremble as if ready to cry but being hit with a lamp stopped him so. You know what, he's proud of it!

"You're so mean, America! After everything I did to you! After I feed you and give you shelter and love and care, this is what you'll repay me? You ungrateful brat! It's not like I want you or anything! I just want you to take responsibility to what you did to me! My arse hurt you bloody wanker!"

"We didn't even do it! Stop making stories!" America dodged the phone England got his hand with. Wait, oh my God, is that his iPhone 5? Damn it!

"I am not making stories and oh God, I'm feeling dizzy! I think I'm pregnant, America!" England rubbed his obviously flat belly.

"You're a fucking man, Iggy! You cannot reproduce!" America dodged his beloved mp3 player. America almost cried as he saw it hitting the wall.

"Oh, right, my bad." America face palmed. The horror that was Iggy.

"Are you drunk or something?" England shook his head and laughed. America's eyebrow twitches.

"Of course not, git, I was by your side since our date ended." No, they aren't. England had gone to his room after he was force out America's. Unless, he has a twin or an impersonator which would likely be a zero possibility, right? Right!

"No, that's not true! I was there when you were kicked out of my room! Heck, I was the one who kicked you out of my room!" England gave him his British way of deadpanned look which means You're-an-American-therefore-an-idiot look.

"I'm British. I can do anything." America looked at him with his American way of deadpanned look-and yes, nations have their own deadpanned look, heck they even have their own personalized looks varying from angry to happy to stupid, they're just awesome that way—which means Dude-what-the-fuck. England sighed. Okay, time to tell the truth.

"America…." England looked at the man with a serious façade "I should tell you this because I love you so you should probably know about it. I'm…."

America waited with bated breaths.

"I'm…"

And waited.

"I'm…."

And waited.

"I'm…."

And waited.

"I'm…."

America was turning blue.

"I'm…"

"Spit put already before I faint from lack of breath, dude!"

"I'm a ghost!" America fainted.

And got up mere seconds after hearing England laughed. What a pretty laugh he had.

"You should have seen your face! Priceless I tell you!" America's eyebrow twitched. And England said he was annoying.

"If you don't fucking tell me, I'll throw you out again!"

England's laughter dwindles a little and he wiped his tears away. Damn, fooling around sure was fun.

"Alright, alright. I came through your window." America looked at him with the same deadpanned look.

"My room is on the 20th floor, Iggy. What did you do? Fly?" England looked sheepish.

"How did you know?"

"Who are you? Peter Pan?" America shouted with his eyebrow twitching rapidly. England gasped.

"How the bloody hell did you know?! Oh my God! You're unto me!" Well, that was the last straw to America as he shouted obscenities disturbing everyone at the vicinity.

That was also the last straw for the other nations who had innocently waited outside America's door for the last hour or so. With a force that shouldn't have been there, Hungary opened the door expectantly.

Only to see England nude and America on top of him. Wow, that was what she expected.

"Oh My G! Kuya Amerika! Shame on you for topping Ginoong Inglatera! Shame on you!" His 'little sister' Philippines shouted at him while bleeding from her nose. It was a shame that she was more disappointed with the fact that England wasn't topping him, what are the odds.

Maybe if he just dies, everything will be back to normal. And if the guy from up there will be kind enough to him he would not let England in there too. Ah, heaven.

"Well, this is awkward." Japan said with a smile hidden behind his hand while secretly shooting hopeful glances towards the female nations expecting their kind and generous offer for one or two or an album of the shots he took. America looked scandalized while England shoots them a bright smile as he wrapped his legs around the American's waist. Oh, joy.

"No! No! It is not what you think!" America shouted and England pouted.

"But keep thinking that way." England sing-song as pulled the American closer. Small distance is a wonderful invention by people, had it been an invention from the start? Maybe. Maybe not. Well, who cares? Not him! He's getting laid tonight.

"Get away from me!" England clung tighter. France noticed that America is turning a shade of blue, it is quite a lovely view, non?

"What are you saying? You're going to rape me! I'm nude and ready!" The nations watching them gasped. So, in a time liked this, they're playing stupid? Damn it!

"No, I am not! Stop making stories! You're crazy and European! Get away from me, damn it!" Well, the shows will never end like this. So what a dedicated Hungarian fan girl would do? Push them of course! And so push she did!

The problem about pushing is that there was a law called gravity and gravity makes someone fall so when she did just that, it is not inevitable for them to smack faces and kissed. Not at all.

The problem about smacking faces is that gravity is sometimes too cruel and so it will likely has a result of colliding so hard that they'll visit unconscious land. So unconsciousness took over the two. And we thought England's going to be raped. Almost. Just not that close yet.

So the very next day, it was a must for every country to help break the curse England's under in. Well, America says so, and just him though. They were not as concern as America, they were not the going to rape, so what for?

But, apparently, it will concern them if America will place an embargo against them which he will not if they will cooperate.

France, being the European that he really is, thinks that that would hinder his flawless plan to have the two date already and make l'amour and little colonies and many more that will make him money out of pictures. Maybe, that was why Japan was so successful, selling yaoi pictures and all.

So, he will plan something. Just not now, he was still thinking.

"So our biggest concern for the day is how to break the curse possessing England right now." Everybody looked at the clinging Englishman off America's arms.

"According to America anyway." Germany continued halfheartedly. I mean, who would take this seriously?

"We must! It is so that the two can date based on true love and not with some dumb curse." France flinched. That was harsh.

Germany cleared his throat hearing that from some female nation. Apparently, the girls do.

It started out as nice and realistic suggestion from calm nations from bringing him to a private asylum to just throwing him off the harbors to drown.

"Hey, if that man likes the water so much, why can't we just throw him there." Denmark suggested earning a smack from the silent Norway.

And then, shouting started and from there on forward, everything went downhill.

"Why don't we just hide from him!"

"Why don't we just fed him to the rabid dogs!"

"Hey! It's not to kill him! It's to break the fucking curse! Damn nations! Why don't we let America and England alone in a deserted island with a gun with one bullet left!"

"What are you? Pirate of the Carribean?"

"Hey! I made that movie! Don't diss it while I'm here!"

"Oh, so we can diss it while you're not? Wonderful!"

"Why you!"

"Kesesese!"

"Why are you here?"

"Honhonhonhon"

"Bitch!"

And so on and so forth. But enough is enough even if it isn't. Germany shouted and the room's noise ceased to exist. Well, until Romano cry bloody murder.

And so it continues again for several hours until France dramatically gasped which he had to repeat several times to gain the attention of everyone even if he looked like a dying goose already.

"I know the solution to your problem Amerique!" America's eyes widened.

"Oh, Fuck! I don't want condoms, France!" France shook his head seriously.

"Why not?"

"I'm trying to get away from England! Not to get raped!" England pouted.

"You were the one topping me last night. And don't even try denying it! I bought photos from Japan!" America looked at Japan with a blank expression.

"Gomen, America-san. I'm desperate" Japan smiles behind his hand again.

"Anyway, listen, Amerique, that's not the solution. Condom would be a later gift from me but that's not it. I am saying that being away from Angleterre for a day without making any contact will probably stop the spell but Angleterre should be near just one nation so that he or she can supervise him. Isn't that a brilliant plan, sicet-non?"

The room was suddenly full of mumbles and looks of thoughtfulness. They all wonder when did the frog become so thoughtful. Maybe the end is really near.

Another loud gasp was heard. It was also an English gasp so it is more refined and less dramatic but still English.

"I don't want to be away from America! He's the one I love! Plus, he got some big meat down south!" America again looked scandalized.

But England doesn't have any choice in the matter. So another building with another nation it is.

That day it was full of depress cries from an Englishman that has all the women crying too. England was too handsome to cry!

France smiles lightly. Some birdies told him that jealousy will now commence. The American was playing hard to get and that was not in the plan so if he won't cooperate smoothly then he would make him so jealous that he would come running towards the Anglais.

He has to have an alliance with one of England's ex-colony that America had been feeling wary of from being too close with England.

"Hello, this is moi, the nation of love, beautiful France calling. Is this Australia?" France's smile reached the sky.

"Are you bored?" France's face almost broke from his large smile.

"Perfect. I have an interesting plan going on here. It involves your mumsie, America, and l'amour. Are you in?" He couldn't believe his luck today! He's so lucky!

"Perfect! Meet me at the café downtown. Oui, oui, merci. I'll be waiting! Au revoir, mon ami!"

Now, the only problem is, how can he make Angleterre cling to Australia instead?

Amerique, prepare to be jealous. Honhonhonhonhonhonhonhon!

**USUK**

**Le gasp! **Finally! I updated! Please review! I love it when you leave a review! :D


	5. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I've been very busy and as a member of the Supreme Student Government, I have to be on alert to finish my responsibility. And we had to prepare for the Graduation Rites of the seniors but you know what really irked me is that when we had finished after hours of preparation, it rained! DX

But yada yada, moving on!

Oh and, thanks for the reviewers! I love you guys and to those who listed it as their favorite and alerted it!

WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! IT IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate. Oh and swearing.

Title: It's France's Fault

Chapter 5: Russian Roulette

You know that moment when everything seems perfect and something just had to ruin it? And if you don't then fuck you because it's really happening to him right now. In other words, his plan backfired on him.

Not only is he going to die after the magic worn out but he's going to die before that too. Why is he going to die sooner you may ask out of spite, well you know those people who seemed harmless and yet capable of standing alone with those innocent eyes and happy smiles but when threatened tended to do mentally unstable things? Well, you'll never find one out there but let's just say that there is and that rare person would have this power that can snap you into two is just sitting beside you, what would you do?

In case no one cares, France does. He cares a lot, especially if it's for his life.

Another snapping sound followed the sweet English giggle of a demented Englishman and France flinches.

He really cares a lot so help him God, he wanted to cry and wet himself -not in that sexual way today, that can wait later but today he must wet in that embarrassing way of fear.

America is jealous. Quite jealous in an unstable way that France wishes he never would see again.

You might ask, isn't that France's plan? To make America super jealous? Well, yes, yes it is but not this much. Who knows what would happen if this keeps going on.

Another snapping sound comes from his right again and this time he felt like he was the one being broken in two.

"Oh, do that again Australia!" England demanded again for the Australian man to do his magic once more which leads for America to break yet another pencil.

Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

"You're so awesome, Australia! I think I love you!"

SNAP! Well, that hurts. His pride and heart and soul hurt. Nah, that's too dramatic. Something snaps but not a pencil, they're America's patience and control.

"That's it!" America growled angrily towards Australia who stops hugging England back. "Let go of England you bastard! He's mine!"

You know that dramatic moment where the jealous-prone character lunged at the person who was taking his beloved away, cliché, right? But that exactly what happened. And we would never forget how the main character punched the 'villain', that's the best part for America that is but for Australia, well, that certainly hurts.

"No! He's mine! You've been hogging Mama since the day you were found and this time, it's our time shine!" Australia slapped America with all his might which is hard really.

"No! He's mine! I hadn't been hogging him! He just really loved me!" America slapped Australia back.

"He does not! You were being clingy back then and still is now! You limited his visit to his other colony back then because you always deceived him with your 'cute appearance'!" he slapped back.

"I am cute but I don't deceive anyone with it, well… sometimes when drastic times calls for drastic measures! But I do not deceive anyone! Especially not Iggy! Just face the fact that he loves me more than all of you commonwealth nations!"

"He does not! I'm his favourite!" Another slap for the two but it does not come from them.

"I'm his favourite!" New Zealand shouted as he slapped the two repeatedly. And soon, another commonwealth nation joins the fight until it's a full out brawl, if slapping each other with a white glove is a full out brawl.

England narrowed his green eyes.

"I'm my favourite!" It was those words that silence happily makes its grand entrance.

France was heard dying with laughter. Thank God the pervert's gone.

"Ohonhonhonhon"

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

"No, England! You cannot be your favourite!" Mozambique said slowly when all of them paused for sanity's sake.

"Why not?" England pouted and the other sighs. Here it goes.

"Because it's wrong and disturbing." Ghana lightly replied and wonders why were they fighting again.

"And revolting. You just can't be your favourite, mate. It's just as the silent rule said" Australia added and everyone nodded as if aside from the Golden Rule, there's a hidden Silent Rule.

"Besides, I'm still your favorite." America beamed and all hell resumed until England gasped dramatically with the English way gasping.

"Who loves me?" Well, you'd never saw so many hands raised before until England asked that question. England blushes. "Oh, I love you all too."

And maybe that's the reason why America drags an Australian with him to the café on their hotel.

"Okay, listen Aussie, don't come near Iggy until that unknown thing that clogs his brain wore off or else."

"Oh, so you can hog him again all to yourself while he's in a vulnerable state and you can manipulate him on doing anything you want with him! No chance, mate"

America narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, I get it, America! You loved Mummy, don't you? Ooohh~~ Okay, okay, I'll back down. Heh heh…"

America's eyes widened.

"No! It's not like that! I'm a hero so that's why I want to protect Iggy! Yeah! That's right! It's to protect Iggy only because I'm a hero!"

Australia wiggled his brows suggestively and his green eyes twinkled with mischief, "Yes, you're Mum's hero. Hehehehe. Don't worry I won't get in your way, Dad. Hehehehe"

Did he just wink at him calling him dad? Well, that's both disturbing and unnerving.

"Australia~~ Oh, honey~~"

Not get in his way his ass. He was the one manipulating Iggy to love him in that sexual way not him!

England swiftly throws his self on Australia's lap humbly—in case no one notices humbly is just sarcasm. America wanted to punch someone, preferably an Australian one.

"Why did you go so suddenly? I'm still explaining why I loved you all and why I loved you most." England pouted and caressed Australia's face lovingly, "We never do this often, why?"

"Well, Mum, you are always with him." He nodded towards the seething American in front of them. "How did you even find us?"

"It's called love, darling, love made me find my way back to you."

Australia's skin crawled with creepiness as his Mum said that.

"Okay… Family time is over. Go back to being my Mum and go back to being clingy towards America. You're making my skin crawl and I don't love you that way." Australia promptly pushed his Mum towards the floor and left with a few decisive words. "He's all yours America."

Silence makes its grand comeback with a bang.

"So… Iggy, who do you love?" America asked nervously.

England looked into his eyes and emerald meets blue like the horizon meeting the sky in a splash of summer dance.

America smiled softly and England smiled back. He stood up and with a slow brush of tenderness, softly spoke-

"Nah, it's still Australia."

-and promptly.

Another snapping sound was heard around the café and the hotel and that was France's cue to left the building.

"Oh no you wouldn't, fancy pants. Explain or die." Well that was fast. America held his gun closed to France head and the French wished he was Italy right now, that country is too fast to capture when he escaped.

"Oh, sacre bleu! Please don't kill me! I had a kid to feed! And my wife is waiting for me back home!"

"You're a fucking country! You can't reproduce and no one in their right mind will marry someone like you! Explain. Or. Die." France gulped.

"Can I choose the 'or' button?" America pressed the gun coldly to his head "I mean, what do you want to know, mon ami?"

"Just last night, Iggy is still all over me, today why is he all over Australia?" France smiled weakly.

"I don't know, mon ami. It's just that he was the one I called to babysat your cher. It was just a hunch of mine and I thought let's make Amerique jealous and I thought it wouldn't work but you know French and helping romance, it worked and please don't kill me!"

"Explain. Farther."

"I think the constant present scent of someone triggered the dormant cell of Angleterre that stabilized the emotional attraction located in his brain, Amerique. The constant scent of that someone that was always present within Angleterre's area of senses may have activate this dormant cell and might have cause the thought that that someone is his love or mate. This is a special case for Angleterre may be the only one with this dormant cell in his brain plus before this fiasco, it may have been reawakening but was disturbed by the present of something else causing it to be unstable and was then easily influence by scents alone."

America frowned, "I thought you're an idiot. Why do you know this so much?"

France paused. Being called an idiot by America himself is quite honestly demeaning. France wanted to cry.

"I may or may not have gone to a Cupid Academy when I was young and bored and graduated with high honors…"

America looked at him degradingly. France pouted.

"Don't judge me! I may be French but I'll gladly die for love! And the Anglo-American love is on stake right now, so what could I do than to help it!"

"Fine, but I'm not in love with Iggy, okay? No matter what you all say, I'm not in love, much less with Iggy. Now, make Iggy fall in love with me again so I don't have to worry that Iggy might get rape or something."

France snorted. 'I'm not in love with Iggy, make Iggy fall in love with me again. Bleh. Not in love my beautiful ass.' France mocked in his head, he still hadn't found the courage to mock when a gun was still place to his head.

"Frenchy? Frenchy? Answer me!"

"Oui, oui." France halfheartedly replied."Please let me go so I can help you with your precious cher Angleterre."

When they got back, they should have known that the ground has ears and rumors have wings for England is all over Russia right now.

America should have known than to discuss a vital information in a place where everyone could hear. Now, England is in love.

Not with him but with fucking Russia.

"Oh, Russia, I'll become one with you~~ Tehee"

Oh, damn.

Well, shocks! Please don't kill me! *hides in a magical wall*

Please review! :D


	6. Chapter 6

So, guess who's still alive?  
Here's the new chapter for this story!  
Oh and, thanks for the reviewers! I love you guys and to those who listed it as their favorite and alerted it!  
WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! ITIS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate. Oh and swearing.  
**Title: It's France's Fault**  
**Chapter6: The English Cold War**

When an American saw a Russian, the normal tendency that a true American would do is shout "Holy mother of fuck! The Russians are coming!" and then grab their weapons and shoot because they are and I quote 'fucking awesome patriots'. Now, because of these citizens' traits, it would normally affect their nation. So when a nation named America saw a nation named Russia, they normally bombed each other. And because America is a naturally selfish man and seeing his would be lover all over the bane of his existence, he normally would flip and dive in and shoot.  
It would not also help if said would be lover helps said bane of his existence. And if you add all this to the equation, you'll get the Cold War. Not the 'I ignore you, you ignore me' kind of war but the 'shoot the fucking Russian with snowballs' kind of war. Did I ever mention that the current meeting was postponed and was then relocated in Alaska? No, then it was.

The other nations would normally want no part of this war but since England was the Mistress of the Sea (wink wink, nudge nudge)if you know what I mean. Of course you want someone who would know what to do with a pole in bed, and if that someone was particularly named England, you would surely want to partake.  
So ever the smart nations they are, it became World War. Some got dragged in by perverted ones and some just wanted to ebb their boredom so it was not only an American-Russian thing, it became a World thing.

"Fire in the hole!"

"Where?"

"You're going down, asshole!"

"I'm already down, I'm already down! Please don't kill me!"

And others were just playing around and showing off their nuclear weapons that could probably destroy the world .I said probably.

"What's happening with Russia and the others?" America asked his allies which composed of forced nation such as Philippines ,who keeps throwing flowers and candles at others, Canada because he's his brother ,Prussia because he's his brother's boyfriend, Germany because he's his brother's boyfriend's brother, and by default the two Italy twins, Spain, and Japan, and also by default the rest of East Asian nation.

"He sent us a letter of surrender…" Germany said, confusion written on his face. The others looked at him like he was crazy because Russia and surrender never go well together in a sentence.

"Are you sure about that?" Canada asked cautiously and Germany nodded slowly.

"And the letter states…?" Prussia pried.

"It says here: 'America, dear comrade, I don't want another Belarus hot on my tail, get him now, da?'"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well, Sir England sure is a handful…" Philippines helpfully applied. America smirked haughtily from what he had heard. He also laughed his heroic laugh. It was very difficult for them to listen to a man who laughed an annoying laugh.

And there comes a time when a person just snapped because of that certain annoyance encountered all his life. Yes, I'm talking about Canada.

Canada punched America when he refused to stop laughing annoyingly. The others soon followed.

"Ano… This is fun…" Japan said as he smacked America on the head with the hilt of his katana, what you think a Japanese man uses his fist? No, they use the hilt of their katana because they're just so awesome like that. And as for, the two Italy, they use their secret weapon: Pasta and Tomatoes. Spectacular, right?

"Stop!" America shouted because an American man never pleaded, they shouted with pride like the awesome heroes they are like how any heroes in any comics would do when they saw others suffer even if they are the one suffering.

The others paused and grins at him sheepishly, America panted.

"The heck, guys?"

Everybody looked at each other. Germany cleared his throat.

"We… got carried away" The others looked away as Germany explained and because America is America, he nodded sagely.

"I know that feeling, I mean I got carried away too beating and invading you guys before..."

The rest of the nations twitched.

"But you must all know the limit of your anger"

The others took a double look on America. Is the world ending?

"Because it is not nice to show off your awesome power to all the losers of the world."

And so, America got beaten by a bunch of _loser _on that very day.

The air was tense when America and his gang ambushed Russia's headquarter as they discreetly approached the main room. They walked on edge as they pointed up their weapon to any suspicious movements, actually the only real weapon on their hands is Germany's gun because as we all had known hamburger nor pasta is neither a weapon nor any killing device.

It was quiet. Too quiet.

They crept around more and observed that the headquarter was left unguarded, too unguarded. Every creak of the floorboard that was made makes them jump for fear of counter-ambush. Every breath that they took sounds too loud in the quietness of the place. Every roll that they would do would be impossible for normal humans to do, jump and crazily roll their body on the floor is too humiliating for a sane human to do, unless you're me then that's a different story. And every movement they made sends shiver upon their spine.

And then, they heard a British accent harassing a Russian being. And now, the greatest weapons for world domination are all found in England, the accent and the food, no question whatsoever.

"Russia, love, come here to me and we can rule the world together" England said with a come-hither voice, the others shivered because it sounded like an England with a mental disorder saying he wants to take over the world. _With his British accent and British food. _Shivers.

"No, da! No, da! Da!" Okay so Russia yelled, what's the big deal.

When they peeked and the kidnapper is tied to a pole stark naked by the victim, that would be the big deal.

"… that was highly disturbing and wrong. I think I might puked." Prussia said as he rock back and forth along with his comrade at the corner in trauma. Wow, that sounds wrong in a way.

And, of course, America have to really puked on that scene because a naked Russian is the epitome of Americans' phobia. It was Naked Russo Phobia, only Americans have that kind of phobia exclusively.

And stepping in and disturbing them is the greatest mistake that America ever done.

They would wonder after this crazy war when did it became a Russian Rescue Operation instead of Crazy English Mission. And now, run is all they can do while dragging a still naked Russian as England run after them with all his might.

"Run! Run, you bloody Americans~~ Run!"

"We're not all Americans!"

"So?"

With his fucking food. They're doom.

They're not meant to fight Englishmen with their foods but because war gets weirder as years go by, they do not have a choice in the matter. So fight an Englishman with food they had done.

With close mouths. This was the most silent war in the history of all war. They're afraid that when they open their mouth, the English Food might land on their open mouth. So, England versus nine countries and a tied Russian fought in the current war.

Soundless was the English Cold War.

**TBC**

Short chapter is short chapter! :D Sorry. I'll update soon to uphold my pride, XD. Please leave a review.


	7. Chapter 7

So… I am very much upholding my girly pride!

And, I liked to thank my reviewers. , I'm just so happy to update.

WARNING: DON'T TAKE FRANCE'S WORDS SERIOUSLY! ITIS HIGHLY DANGEROUS AND FICTIONAL! And used of Google Translate. Oh and swearing. No offense to any races.

**Title: It's France's Fault**

**Chapter 7: Here Comes The Punch Line**

_USUK_

The war was basically a dodge war, they dodged the food and England throws them the poison. It started so simple as their only strategy at the moment was to not open their mouth.

Note that these people were nations therefore they do not know how to keep their mouth shut especially if a nation is specifically an American nation. So naturally they are bound to lose one way or another. Or stupidly open their mouth and luckily still win the war.

And then, the first one to give in to the temptation of opening their mouth was yours truly the Awesome. Also known as Prussia the badass or Prussia the almighty or damn he's hot. He's also the first one to die.

"Go on without me!" Was Prussia's last words, his voice dripping with awesome.

The others did not look back to him and keep running leaving the awesome to die awesomely alone. Awesome, right?

"We would even if you're still in our group." Was America' hasty heroic reply because America was still Canada's brother whom the awesome had corrupted. Canada, I mean.

Next comes Philippines who tripped and accidentally opens her mouth to yelp and in lands the English Scones. Poor the girl for her clumsiness.

"Ewww… this taste like poop." Was her shouts as she dies with a scone for her last supper.

"I know, right?" Prussia said besides her and she would wonder if Prussia was a frigging vampire or just a bad weed who keeps growing and growing to the point of insanity and annoyance.

"See you later, Phil!" And of course America meant if she survived the scone.

Then came Canada who opens his mouth to pant briefly but ended up swallowing charcoals. He choked and puked before completely fainting.

England pouted. His food isn't that bad, right? It's English for bloody sake! English rule!

"Stop! Stop you bloody Americans~~~ Stop!" England childishly ordered because let's face it, England is still a gentleman and gentlemen do not run after a bunch of lunatics. Not that he needed to know that he's the lunatic one.

"We're not all Americans!" Really, can't England see that they're not all blond and wear glasses and heroic? Because they are getting tired of being called Americans. I mean really? Americans? It's like he's saying that America's ideas are all bloody perfect and dandy and useful.

"So?"

"You're crazy…."

"Oh, for bloody Mary, just give me back Russia." Russia cried on that one, he would forever be scarred of England and English people and of relating to anything British. They are fucking crazy!

Then all the others fell and sacrificed themselves for America, in other words America used them as his back up and made them fight England one on one to buy time for him, he's awesome like that.

And now only America stands tall with Russia stark naked in cold Alaska facing against an unstoppable force named England. It's not that America wants to protect Russia that's why he kept him safe, no, he had a wonderful evil plan.

"It's just you and me now, America, you know you can't win against me. I always win." No, American Revolution does not count and all the wars that he had lost.

"You can't make me surrender! I'm America! You know as the American phrase goes 'Give me Freedom or give me death!'."

"That's… very patriotic of you but still! Give me Russia or I'll give you hell. Not death, death is just too strong a word."

"Or I'll give you Russia back if you come with me for two hours alone in a secluded area…"

England blushed and his heart speed up. This idiot, is he trying to ask nicely for rape?

"Are you going to rape me?"

"NO! Why would you think that?" America sputtered because England still assumes that he wants to rape him. Isn't he supposed to ask if he wants to kill him or something or even say no immediately?

"… You… Me… Secluded place… two hours…" England said slowly to let America comprehend well and when America looked blankly at him he added, "Those are forms of wanting to rape someone…"

Now, normally America would react violently at that but he only looked at England again blankly and stared.

He now knows that there is such an English culture wherein there is a time limit to how long you raped someone. English culture. Now, why isn't he so surprise at that? Because it's English culture and anything coming from England is bound to be weird.

He is not amused at England's deduction. Maybe, he should just give Russia and forget that he once known an England and this war. Repression is just so tempting right now. But because of his hero complex, he has to save the world from English clutches once more. Stupid hero complex.

"No, Iggy, I am not going to rape you…" It was spoken as slowly as possible to ensure that the Brit would understand because now the idiotic one is the crazy blinded by affection to a Russian Englishman.

Who's laughing now? Ha.

"Are you sure about that?" The look of doubt on England's eyes might have almost push America to grab a bomb and throw it on England's face. Violent, much?

"Yes, for hamburger's sake, yes!" If he almost want to bomb his face, now he really wants to bomb the pretty face of this Brit. Not that he admits that England has a certain touch of femininity that creates an illusion of beauty that only the softness of woman had. No never.

"Yes, you want to rape me?! Oh my god! America, you are such a perverted nation!" England gave an English gasp and steps closer to America.

"What?! That's not what I meant! Stop turning my words back at me!" America shouted back, stepping away from England's wandering hands. Who's the perverted nation now?

"You want me to turn my back on you so you can pounce on me?" England blushes like a virgin and scooted closer again invading America's bubble.

"Get away from me!" And then the brave American runs away heroically.

"You want me to get together with you after you raped me? Of course you would, you'll take responsibility afterwards!" This goes without saying that the demented Englishman runs after the brave American.

And that leaves Russia, still stark naked and tied to a pole, alone in the vast winter wonderland of the great Alaska.

"Brother… Marry me…"

You have seen that coming too, right? No? Then, ha!

And so Russia was placed as the greatest naked and tied Russian survivor in Alaska on the World Records for Nations who was also running away from his demented sister.

The others who 'sacrificed' for America are now happily situated around a warm bonfire that was made out of scones and sweat and blood. And they are also praying for their _leader_'s doom which would be happening soon because the president of Ridicule America Fan Club which a God by the way is happily listening to their prayers, accepting them as the new member of his club.

"And, he was like 'I am a HERO!' and I was like 'An unawesome hero!' ans he was like 'Nah ah' and I was like 'Yah ah' and he was like 'Nah ah and then I told him he was like the hero of unawesomeness because I'm awesome than him and he like punch my face! He like does not want to hear the sad cold truth." The others nodded at his story, listening closely to every awesome he made from his awesome experience. Germany likes to beg to differ.

The bunch of idiots they are, Germany sighs.

_USUK_

Now back to America and England, the hero cannot believe the current situation he is in.

He would like to remember the events to clearly understand how he got there but when certain glimpses leads to England pouncing at him and things gone downhill from that and now he knows how Russia currently feels being exposed to anyone who might see and he certainly does not want to remember other parts of the story now with that misleading memories that put him on hundred years of trauma.

He is now currently naked and tied to a pole by a demented Englishman who now loves him more than the Russian. Sweet, sweet goal! They accomplish the task and now another chaos ensues.

He would now like to be free and clothed.

"America~~~"

Like right now.

And if ever this stupid potion that France had force unto England wears off, he would kill the stupid surrender monkey nation in the most painful way. If he lives after the craziness subsides.

If the craziness even subsides.

But for now, America shouts heroically for help from his trusted allies. Said trusted allies were now happily comfy in the cabin they luckily found away from any demented people with demented affection.

And God of Ridiculing America is laughing his godly ass off.

_USUK_

:D Review! Review! Review!


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